Blog Entries

Cooking: The process of unknowns

Today I had dived into cooking an anti-inflammatory recipe. Why? Do you ask. Physically speaking I have a thyroid disorder and I thought eating this way may help. I have been meditating for several years. One way for me of meditating is doing the Deepak Chopra and Oprah 21 day Meditations. Deepak Chopra being an Endocrinologist had suggested in one of his meditations the benefits of anti-inflammatory foods. That had sparked my interests. I’ll list the link below for the most current (at this time) 21 day mediation. It has helped me so much in my growth. I have been working on mindfulness for more than a decade. For at the least two to three years I have been going beyond mindfulness and meditation and started the process of journeying. From my perspective and what I have learned so far is that journeying is meditating with a very specific goal in mind to access your higher self and guides. It may not be for everyone but it is for me. I have always been drawn to Shamanism and the depths—the belly if you will of God. Now, this is just one perspective on such a broad thing. Just like cooking spirituality has so many flavors and styles. With tastes and flavors it still accomplishes one thing. To be fed. To be the fuel.

From past experience I knew not to rush ahead and grab the ingredients and start. I read and reread the directions. Even during cooking I had to backtrack and see if what I read was correct. I was adding spices and cooking the meat. While mixing things together and trying to time things just right I kept wondering how it would turn out. In the past my anxiety would spike and I would be flattened out with this overwhelming sense of deficiency. In fact, I had cried while trying to measure because I wasn’t measuring up in my own eyes. I had thought I didn’t measure up in my husband’s eyes. I had thought how stupid I am that I can’t even cook for him. It became a spiral downward. I noticed that I wasn’t spiraling today. In fact, I kept on making magic with food. It awakened me to the notion that over the months and years I have become stronger. I kept on following the directions despite my apprehension. I wasn’t focused on how horrible I was. I was focused on the food and the process.

I have chosen not to have children. My two female cats are my children. I joked with them how popular I became once I brought out the chicken. The cat I have had longer is the most vocal. She had hopped on the chair pleading to have a bite. I reassured her that I would cook a plain portion of chicken just for them. I instantly thought how it’s kind of like heaven in my eyes. There is abundance to be had but it has to be filtered and processed before it can arrive. The order is in. My girls had to wait for their food. How often do we as humans plead when the Universe is cooking us up exactly what we want. (Or at least as close to it as possible.)

Some of you may be wondering how my dish turned out. Well, my Chicken Tika Masala with chickpeas tasted very good. However, I could have cooked the chickpeas longer. That was the only drawback. Instead of focusing how it wasn’t right. I just turned it around still acknowledging the error. I thought to myself how it added texture and crunch. It wasn’t all that bad. The beautiful thing about my husband is that he without missing an opportunity hugs me after every meal I cook. It doesn’t matter how fancy or ordinary. He knows a hug means so much. He knows holding me is practically like saving me and holding me together. That way of thanks creates a feeling of appreciation to me. Being acknowledged that way keeps me soaring. I am my own cheerleader of course but it’s nice to know that my partner in life appreciates all the effort that is put into presenting the fuel for our bodies. It’s also nice to know that Holy Spirit fuels us as well. Holy Spirit listens to us and delivers what we need and want. In fact, I was reflecting on the gratitude in my heart for the abundance of blessings I’m bestowed on a daily basis while walking to my car after work.

Remember, that we live in a beautiful world, take a closer look, open up your heart and trust.

Blessings,

Reina “Raven”

References & Links:

Book: Clean Cuisine Cookbook: 130+ Anti-Inflammatory Recipes to Heal your Gut, Treat Autoimmune Conditions, and Optimize Your Health by Ivy Ingram Larson & Andrew Larson MD

  • I apologize for not being able to underline the book. I have yet to learn now to use all the features here.

Link to Deepak’s 21 Day Meditation: https://chopracentermeditation.com/?_ga=2.156257339.1289427273.1551417248-711756256.1551417248&sso_code=eyJpdiI6IjVaMG9kQlVPOEcxdTNSeStwR2JqdHc9PSIsInZhbHVlIjoiU0wxXC91blwvNUZtQmZHUzRHZForWEZTejlYemtpbEZoNjRSWFM0ZzNBaDNOeEZHbGtxR0VYRWhMdHQyNHd6SEdta1VZc3pYSUlieWM3RmN0OCszSXc5QTdOTk83d3FqUEJ2VHBwejhFN3lxbz0iLCJtYWMiOiJmMzgyYmFiN2FlOWUyNzIwZTA0OTczM2FlNDAyMjY1MTNhZDBlYWQzYWJmOTFmZGNhYTcwMTlkMzlmOGU2NTIyIn0%3D

The written word & capturing the essence of life

“If there is a book that you want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it.”

Toni Morrison

  There are times I fantasize about a world where we can just telepathically know the essence of what someone is conveying to us. In some respects we do have that. Heartfelt intuition. However, the majority of our time at least for me it’s all the best possible guess.  To truly  see and know someone is rare especially when the knowing and seeing of self is a challenge. 

  Thankfully with technology we have the capability to silently have melding of the minds and hearts.  Texting, instant messaging, sharing posts etc. The fault in written word is that sometimes you can’t hear the tone.  Sound is so vitally important as well.  As much as I crave peace and quiet in a very loud and chaotic world at times. Sound and vibration may have been around first. If you align with the Bible then you know God spoke. The Creator of all started with sound. It brought me to the idea of a fetus and a newborn baby.  Essence and space is the majority as far as I have learned and like to accept. After a while the world conditions and a personality and life lessons start to mold the individual.

  Babies feel first. We are in the body and that is all we know. Conscious thought emerge. Then our dance with the world around us starts.

To be able to record and capture all this with words and pair it with sound when read out loud is a blessing.  The continual journey to be able to zoom into life and express it helps me dream and reach for the stars.

Blessings,

Reina “Raven”

Randomizer

 Today’s Daily Inkling’s (Normal Happenings) challenge is a randomizer excersize.

http://www.normalhappenings.com

Ten sentence story using  each word in order and one per sentence.

My words:

  • Fling
  • Spring
  • Pot
  • Books
  • Count
  • Please
  • Winter
  • Ragged
  • Wake
  • Collect

 Jason called out to Cathy and said “Just fling it as he pointed to the Frisbee in her hand.  Spring had arrived and now he was able to take his mother out for fresh air and exercise.  She felt like a flower ready to bloom in a flower pot.  After many days pouring over books and lessons it was a welcome relief to be outside. She had to relearn everything including how to count.  It didn’t please her one bit to know that seven year olds were a head of her and she was seven times their age! Winter had been long and frustrating to the both of them because of the feeling of burden.  Jason was run ragged by taking care of his mother and she felt guilty for needing his help. The brain injury was one way to wake up the both of them to the reality of the fragility of life. It was as if life was saying it was here to collect.

Introduction to a book I may never write

She hadn’t showered in days. The dark white walls surrounding her seemed cold and in some respects not even there. She was just a body in a hard bed. Hospital sheets were rough and the blanket even more coarse. It was six twenty five in the morning. The sky was a periwinkle color. Sadness seemed to seep into her soul more and more. In five minutes one of the nurses would be coming in with her medication if she didn’t travel to the nurse’s station first. She wanted to be the one to initiate the action. Not them. The very little control she was allowed she wanted to use. Even though suicidal ideation is very serious she didn’t see the urgency in the staff. Not even in herself. All she received from her family were pitiful looks, disapproval and some bless their souls had compassion for her. They seemed like strangers. She seemed like a stranger. What was she doing here? Did she really do all the things she admitted to? It doesn’t make any sense. All for a boy? Was it all for him? No, it must be some sort of demon following her. She felt it ever since she hit puberty. For years she hid it. Who would understand the voices? She threw off the covers and walked to the nurse’s station.

Her eyes were blurry and she felt like she was traveling through a cloud. These meds were strong. She came up to the counter and her jaw dropped. She quickly composed herself.

“I’m ready for my morning meds.” She tried to keep her voice casual and not have it go to a high pitch almost incomprehensionable squeak. She knew she had lost. It was high and unfortunately desperate sounding.

Mark knew his first day was going to be a challenge. When he looked up he saw Raveena. His gut plummeted and disappointment fell onto his face. As much as he tried not to react he knew he had. No, not her. Not here.

I had been challenged and invited to do daily writing prompts by Daily Inklings. I’m thankful to be able to share and to express. Here is the link to the site.

http://normalhappenings.com/2019/02/24/overture-daily-inkling/

YouTube

So, creativity has full on birthed in this house! I’m super excited and I can’t wait to share and keep sharing. I am hoping to have this be a place of loving connection. Where we can keep Light,Love,Hope, and Spaciousness for each other. There are so many intricate pieces that fit into this beautiful whole tapestry. The more we connect and share the more we can grow and become one in Love.

So, here is my debut video on my channel. Granted this is my personal YouTube Channel. I don’t like having too many things going on at once so it’s not titled Raven Reina in the actual address but listed under a handle named Risa Schochleton. While during the transformation I had done a complete overhaul when it came to what I wanted to incorporate in my life. I wanted to firmly and gently sweep away and lock the door on negativity and low vibrations. I wanted to usher in Lightness and Love. So, several things were born at different times and now it’s all coming together.

I hope you enjoy my first video talking about firsts.

Love,

Reina “Raven”



“We are living in a beautiful world. Just take a closer look, open up your heart and trust.”

Reina “Raven”

Joy

“Joy; the kind of happiness that doesn’t depend on what happens.”

David Steindl-Rast

My journey with joy has been the friend that introduces me to other friends. It is the bridge from sorrow to fulfillment. It has a companion called gratitude. Our dear late Brother David Steindl-Rast created the site for grateful living.

https://gratefulness.org/

“The root of joy is gratefulness…It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful.”

Brother David-Steindl-Rast

This site has opened me up to the childlike wonder of the world around and within. Somehow the whole phrase to live with and without came to mind. To be able to embrace the loss as well welcome the abundance. You can truly find wholeness in both if you take a closer look. What is summer without the winter. What is winter without the summer. We need both the sun and the moon to live our lives. We can’t be awake all the time nor can we sleep the duration of our lives. It reminds me of the verse from Ecclesiastes 3:1-9.


 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?

King James Version

To stay fully present in the now moment is nectar of life. To not look back in sorrow and not look ahead with fear. To be able to joyfully trust. Trusting in the Divine and receiving the joy that is there for the taking. We are allowed to be happy. We have full permission to be like a child again. It helps to see my Creator as a loving Mother/Father entity. For all around we see families. We are not meant here to be in our heads all the time and isolated. We are meant to share. Share our gratitude, joys, sorrows, rage, and feel free to move through the spectrum of emotions without judgement. If joy is an incubator what it’s producing may be strength. The have the endurance to live with all our personal power. To be able to trust in the supreme Power that generates all creation.

So, I encourage you to take your friends called joy, gratitude, trust, and strength. Know that you are very blessed and loved. Know that it all adds up no matter how absurd looking the equation.

Much Love and Light,

Reina “Raven”

Borderline

I always find it an interesting question when people ask how it feels like to be this or do that. Well, to be honest, we or I don’t know any different. So, to ask “What does it feel like live with Borderline Personality Disorder?” It’s almost like asking someone, “What does it feel like to have dark brown hair?” Well, I wouldn’t know what it would feel like to have blonde hair or red hair. So, I can’t truly answer the question from that standpoint. What I can reveal is what I can think, feel, and perceive. Borderline or not.

Whenever I rush of creativity occurs or when I know there is major processing involved. It’s not the therapist’s number I reach for, nor is it a nice glass of wine or even chocolate. Nope, when I know major shifting is occurring it means lots and lots of writing. Yes, writing. Instead of running to alcohol to feel better, someone to feel close to skin to skin, or a number of distractions from what I’m feeling. I know writing can me be safest and most therapeutic release. In fact, the best.

Fortunately, there are friends out there that when I instantly am feeling something they are my sounding board. They help me keep my heart and head intact. Especially when my imagination wants to run the show. Also more importantly when my wild emotions that are a complete stranger to logic are running amok.

The page is the ultimate friend. It doesn’t need sleep or some space. Heck, it doesn’t expect anything of me which I love. No string attached. I must get to the point though.

So, with an experience. Several from my past. I can recall being so hopped up on a connection that I felt like energy was racing through my veins and despite the medication to help me sleep it was as if my body completely overrode it to have my emotions front and center. This beautiful person that I had just made love to was in my bed. They were lovely. Absolutely a fantasy come true. I also knew that it wasn’t going to be anything long lasting as well. Savoring every minute. Sacrificing sleep seemed like a small price to pay since that night and morning would be my last. How foolish I feel for wanting more. I knew from past experiences not to cling. In my heart I wanted to hold on. I also knew that if I started to attach then it would be over. The situation itself didn’t lend itself to an easy road ahead of us.

Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

I’ve also had experiences where not only was it a short lived in the flesh. Also the majority of society as a whole wouldn’t approve. Some may even be repulsed due the fact that many teachings don’t encourage that kind of connection. A very unconventional connection to say the least. It really didn’t make any sense. To follow linear thought in this situation was basically impossible. We had skipped so many steps that it went from A to V in a matter of seconds. Yet, we knew each other for years. Maybe it was the anticipation of our union. Maybe it was the fact that our souls know each other. No matter how much I try to fight it. No matter how wrong it may be. The connection is unbreakable. I couldn’t break it. Not through self destruction. Like Kali I destroyed it entirely and then something new was born. Not even with the most earnest devotion of prayer could I break the bond. It still called to me.

What I’m trying to convey is that this heart and mind of mine has this intensity. Through my own self discovery and mastery I have found more balance. Having a constant grounding being beside me as my husband has helped me greatly as well. Husband or no husband I know that I’ve done all the work. I have all that bundled up fierceness of emotion but it’s much more controlled. I’m so grateful that I am now becoming more and more in tune with who I am.

For weeks now I’ve had this song be in my head and in my heart. The song “Feelings” by Hayley Kiyoko. The lyrics speak to me. Living as someone who is a sensitive. Someone who can feel emotions so acutely. It has taught me so much. I liked very much how someone had likened Borderline Personality Disorder. It’s like a third degree burn victim. When it comes to everything. Incredibly sensitive. What may seem like nothing to a non BPD is intense for someone who is.

With all the loves I’ve had in my life. Let’s just say that this burn victim has healed but can still remember the searing pain and pleasure of what it was like to dance in fire.

Feelings

“Feelings” lyrics sung by Hayley Kiyoko

I walk through this world, just tryna be nice
They say I’ll get hurt, if I’m not like ice
I know I’ve got friends, I still get so lonely
If I look in your eyes, I’ll want you to hold meI’m sorry that I care, care
I’m sorry that I care, care
It’s really not that fair, fair
I can’t help but careI over-communicate and feel too much
I just complicate it when I say too much
I laugh about it, dream about that casual touch
Sex is fire, sick and tired of acting all toughI’m hooked on all these feelings
I know exactly what I’m feelin’
This love asylum, like an island, just me and you
Spent the night, you got me high
Oh, what did you do?
I’m hooked on all these feelingsCaught up inside, both happy and lonely
Keep telling me lies, they’re killing me slowly
I get too attached, they don’t even know me
Why can’t I relax? Why can’t I relax?I’m sorry that I care, care
I’m sorry that I care, care
It’s really not that fair, fair
I can’t help but careI over-communicate and feel too much
I just complicate it when I say too much
I laugh about it, dream about that casual touch
Sex is fire, sick and tired of acting all toughI’m hooked on all these feelings
I know exactly what I’m feelin’
This love asylum, like an island, just me and you
Spent the night, you got me high
Oh, what did you do?
I’m hooked on all these feelingsI know exactly what I’m feelin’
I’m sorry that I care, care
It’s really not that fairI over-communicate and feel too much
I just complicate it when I say too much
I laugh about it, dream about that casual touch
Sex is fire, sick and tired of acting all toughI’m hooked on all these feelings
I know exactly what I’m feelin’
This love asylum, like an island, just me and you
Spent the night, you got me high
Oh, what did you do?
I’m hooked on all these feelings

Detachment

 When I think of the word detachment I initially feel like it’s a lonely word.

To be detached from an outcome.  In my personal life that is so hard for me to do. Especially when you’re in the medical field. Performance and the accuracy of what you are doing is a matter of life or death for a patient. To have that spaciousness and calm seems like a major shift. To be able to do with the most force and focus and then let go. How beautiful. How freeing. In that moment of release there you can find your wings. The lightness of being comes into play and in turn the demeanor is like a pleasant aroma. Attracting more good and more support. 

 For me, a way of healing is knowing that I’m going into the storm. Having my wings spread out and taking flight with the wind as a major player in my adventure. The wings are my faith and effort. The wind is the situation itself. The situation is always going to be the right one. No matter how my human mind perceives it. If I perceive it to be wrong Creator may perceive it to be perfect because Creator is perfect.  It’s like the joke of why worry that I heard at Unity. In a nutshell. If it worked out why worry? If it didn’t work out why worry? We can go through so much inner turmoil by worrying about the outcomes. Even worrying about the situation itself.  How much energy and destruction can we save ourselves if we just let go.  By worrying we are unnecessarily draining out the energy within and destroying our health. Our bodies listen to our thoughts and emotions. If you had a constant time keeper it would be the body. It records everything. High vibrations heal and renew while low ones destroy. How much more could we be if we stayed high vibrational?

So, my life long quest is not to worry about the situations and outcomes.  My mission is to raise my frequency and be the healer. Healer of myself and those around me. To let go and become friendly with the practice of detachment.

Authenticity blooming

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

There is beauty in vulnerability. Especially when it’s raw honesty waiting for acceptance and validation. How my expectations hang in the air once the words hit the page. A vision as intangible as the air itself. It now has some kind of form. Now it can be read, felt and seen. My hope is to have someone feel everything that I am feeling. To embrace my stories whether they be in my blog entries or the fictional stories archived here. There is a strong desire to go into the depths of the heart, body, and soul. I pray that I’m strong enough to be able to write everything out bravely.

If I can’t say it in my blog that is deeply personal maybe I can say it through a story. Some aspects are fact and some fiction. Some are a perfect blend of the two. All I know is that I’m blossoming into the woman that I have always been but have been too afraid to show. There are many things that I may not be able to say out loud. However, by the power of authenticity my voice will be glorious and powerful through the written word.

For many decades I have been afraid to see myself honestly. All my decisions have been made with great love. Many made with someone else’s wellbeing in mind. I tried fitting myself into everyone else’s mold. Chaining myself to the impossible prison of perfection. So, what is left over? What is real? What does God truly want from me? In the end what matters? Over the years I have found that being completely honest with myself and showing up in my authenticity is what matters. Who am I to know what God thinks? Maybe He/She wants me to display all my colors unashamed. So the journey begins. Through the stories and entries my hope is to bloom beautifully. We only have a short time on this earth. I might as well be real. God, thank you for making me so multidimensional like a diamond. When light touches it colors display brilliantly for a moment. I’m taking that moment and treasuring it.