Setting boundaries: Uninvited guest

I invite you to imagine cleaning your house. You’re busy mopping your floor and not thinking or wanting anything in particular. You just need to finish mopping so you can go on to another chore. Suddenly the doorbell rings. You find it strange because you haven’t invited anyone over and are unaccustomed to having spontaneous visitors.

You open a door to see someone with a mop, bucket, broom, vacuum cleaner and a carpet cleaner. She barges in telling you that your mop is not up to par and that hers is the ideal. While she proceeds to take items one by one into your house she lists all the reasons why hers is the best. She also explains that your mopping technique wasn’t great either and that she can teach you the correct way to mop a floor. She proceeds to take away your mop and use hers on your floor. You have to admit that she isn’t wrong while you see how high tech and efficient her supplies are. Still you are shocked how she somehow barged in and now you have no clue as to usher her out along with all her things. When you try to go onto the next item on the list which is vacuuming she rushes over and scolds you for not using hers. She practically bumps you out the way with her body by elbowing you along with her whole body. After the second lecture she allows you to vacuum. You start to think that she must be right in all her decisions and that you have been doing this whole thing wrong. By the end of the night you are thanking her for barging in your house like she did since you now have a clean house. In fact, now you are cleaning your house in the correct fashion and start to think you owe her. So you give her money. It leaves you confused but you dismiss it.

Okay, so, this scenario is a bit much but it begs to ask you how this relates to boundaries. How often do we allow these types of people to run all over you. Not only that but are convinced that they must be right. Also, have you caught yourself allowing them to have too much space in your life?

I admit I had fear of conflict be the reason why I allowed a breach in my boundaries. I still am working on having strong compassionate boundaries.

Some of the key components to creating boundaries for myself have been consciousness, self compassion, courage and honest communication. Without them the inner balance is thrown out of alignment.

It starts with being aware that you have allowed someone or yourself to cross a line that you didn’t want crossed. It could be that you ate that high calorie and sugary snack instead of the healthy option one day. So, you had trampled on a boundary towards yourself when it came to being healthy. It could be allowing someone to talk longer than you feel comfortable for fear of rejection. You may be afraid of coming off as rude and insensitive if you had set a limit. The awareness of being in a compromised position is needed in order to create better boundaries.

When a boundary has been disrupted I have to remind myself to be compassionate with myself. I have another day to practice my skills in compassion and honoring my wishes.

Whenever I am creating a boundary it’s scary. It’s scary to think that I may lose someone’s favor by standing up for myself and letting them know that it’s not okay with me. I don’t think many people like being viewed negatively. Also some people may conclude that you are not the same person that they knew. Yes, you may be mistaken for a mean person by setting a boundary. It’s a risk but well worth the risk for your wellbeing. When you have practiced you are in a sense a different person. The confidence in setting them and sticking to them has grown. Insecurities are replaced by confidence and strength.

Honest communication. It takes guts to be honest. It’s not easy. However, if you are dishonest with yourself and others then you are robbing yourself and others of seeing the truth of what you want and who you are. For example, if I don’t set a boundary with someone dear to me than I’m robbing them of an opportunity to treat me better and getting to know my preferences. Let’s say I agree to go to a certain movie with someone that is scary and suspenseful. Those aren’t my types of movies but I go to be friendly and nice to this person. After the movie I feel traumatized and I don’t let this person know. They don’t have a firm grasp of how I’m a gentle soul and avoid fear based movies. That I enjoy peace, beauty and laughter. I rob us of a potential enjoyable evening by possibly seeing a different movie. This really happened with an ex boyfriend of mine. I realized we could have created a better memory if I had the courage to speak up. It doesn’t have to take massive amount of effort to say no. However, back then it did. In fact, now that I think about it. It took more energy to accommodate him than it did to simply say no to the movie. If you’re curious the movie was “The Saw” and I am ashamed to have watched it. I don’t like even feeling connected to such a low vibration. Fear is one of the lowest vibrations out there. Fear is a subject for another blog.

There is video I would like to list at the end of this entry if you are interested in learning more. It’s a YouTube video by Terri Cole that has a very similar flavor to my foundation of drawing boundaries. It was partly inspired by her but also my foundation has been tested and proved to be effective in my life. So, I encourage you to explore how you set the stage for boundaries in your life. I hope to hear from you and see boundaries through your eyes.

I wish you all the best in your journey to more self love in the form of setting boundaries and sticking to them.

With much Love,

Raven Reina

“Remember, it’s a beautiful world. Take a closer look. Open up your heart and trust.”

Reina

Terri Cole’s YouTube Video. She has great resources on your channel as well as your website. She is also on Facebook and Instagram. She speaks to my soul and has helped me grow stronger in setting limits in order to create more self love. Enjoy.


Cooking: The process of unknowns

Today I had dived into cooking an anti-inflammatory recipe. Why? Do you ask. Physically speaking I have a thyroid disorder and I thought eating this way may help. I have been meditating for several years. One way for me of meditating is doing the Deepak Chopra and Oprah 21 day Meditations. Deepak Chopra being an Endocrinologist had suggested in one of his meditations the benefits of anti-inflammatory foods. That had sparked my interests. I’ll list the link below for the most current (at this time) 21 day mediation. It has helped me so much in my growth. I have been working on mindfulness for more than a decade. For at the least two to three years I have been going beyond mindfulness and meditation and started the process of journeying. From my perspective and what I have learned so far is that journeying is meditating with a very specific goal in mind to access your higher self and guides. It may not be for everyone but it is for me. I have always been drawn to Shamanism and the depths—the belly if you will of God. Now, this is just one perspective on such a broad thing. Just like cooking spirituality has so many flavors and styles. With tastes and flavors it still accomplishes one thing. To be fed. To be the fuel.

From past experience I knew not to rush ahead and grab the ingredients and start. I read and reread the directions. Even during cooking I had to backtrack and see if what I read was correct. I was adding spices and cooking the meat. While mixing things together and trying to time things just right I kept wondering how it would turn out. In the past my anxiety would spike and I would be flattened out with this overwhelming sense of deficiency. In fact, I had cried while trying to measure because I wasn’t measuring up in my own eyes. I had thought I didn’t measure up in my husband’s eyes. I had thought how stupid I am that I can’t even cook for him. It became a spiral downward. I noticed that I wasn’t spiraling today. In fact, I kept on making magic with food. It awakened me to the notion that over the months and years I have become stronger. I kept on following the directions despite my apprehension. I wasn’t focused on how horrible I was. I was focused on the food and the process.

I have chosen not to have children. My two female cats are my children. I joked with them how popular I became once I brought out the chicken. The cat I have had longer is the most vocal. She had hopped on the chair pleading to have a bite. I reassured her that I would cook a plain portion of chicken just for them. I instantly thought how it’s kind of like heaven in my eyes. There is abundance to be had but it has to be filtered and processed before it can arrive. The order is in. My girls had to wait for their food. How often do we as humans plead when the Universe is cooking us up exactly what we want. (Or at least as close to it as possible.)

Some of you may be wondering how my dish turned out. Well, my Chicken Tika Masala with chickpeas tasted very good. However, I could have cooked the chickpeas longer. That was the only drawback. Instead of focusing how it wasn’t right. I just turned it around still acknowledging the error. I thought to myself how it added texture and crunch. It wasn’t all that bad. The beautiful thing about my husband is that he without missing an opportunity hugs me after every meal I cook. It doesn’t matter how fancy or ordinary. He knows a hug means so much. He knows holding me is practically like saving me and holding me together. That way of thanks creates a feeling of appreciation to me. Being acknowledged that way keeps me soaring. I am my own cheerleader of course but it’s nice to know that my partner in life appreciates all the effort that is put into presenting the fuel for our bodies. It’s also nice to know that Holy Spirit fuels us as well. Holy Spirit listens to us and delivers what we need and want. In fact, I was reflecting on the gratitude in my heart for the abundance of blessings I’m bestowed on a daily basis while walking to my car after work.

Remember, that we live in a beautiful world, take a closer look, open up your heart and trust.

Blessings,

Reina “Raven”

References & Links:

Book: Clean Cuisine Cookbook: 130+ Anti-Inflammatory Recipes to Heal your Gut, Treat Autoimmune Conditions, and Optimize Your Health by Ivy Ingram Larson & Andrew Larson MD

  • I apologize for not being able to underline the book. I have yet to learn now to use all the features here.

Link to Deepak’s 21 Day Meditation: https://chopracentermeditation.com/?_ga=2.156257339.1289427273.1551417248-711756256.1551417248&sso_code=eyJpdiI6IjVaMG9kQlVPOEcxdTNSeStwR2JqdHc9PSIsInZhbHVlIjoiU0wxXC91blwvNUZtQmZHUzRHZForWEZTejlYemtpbEZoNjRSWFM0ZzNBaDNOeEZHbGtxR0VYRWhMdHQyNHd6SEdta1VZc3pYSUlieWM3RmN0OCszSXc5QTdOTk83d3FqUEJ2VHBwejhFN3lxbz0iLCJtYWMiOiJmMzgyYmFiN2FlOWUyNzIwZTA0OTczM2FlNDAyMjY1MTNhZDBlYWQzYWJmOTFmZGNhYTcwMTlkMzlmOGU2NTIyIn0%3D