During many Thanksgiving seasons we see all kinds of statements regarding gratitude. Most of them are positive. I rarely see someone on Facebook saying how grateful they are for a loss. It’s been months but I’m still in the process of grieving a friendship that I think has very little hope of being rebuilt. What a funny statement to say on Facebook, “I’m grateful for someone pretending I don’t exist. They have shown me that I have many friends besides them even though they will always be in my heart.” Can you imagine the pouring out of questions. Only to deepen the pain of loss. At least that is what my imagination is saying. I try not to obsess or ruminate. I’m very good at that. However, this blog post is about gratitude. Not the loss of a friend. That was in another post. What I’m trying to say is that it’s a rare thing to witness someone being grateful for something seemingly negative. However, without the storm there can be no rainbow or insert whatever you wish to make the point. I do have to say, I’m grateful for friendships. They help me see. They help me see myself, others, and the world around me. It also helps challenge me to become who I’m meant to become. What are you grateful for? More specifically what seemingly negative thing are you grateful for? I also challenge you not to be snarky when making the statement but rather very mindful and sincere. Blessings dear readers.
Finding joy in the now moments. From that sip of coffee to singing along to a high school favorite. Sometimes it’s easy to dismiss these moments and lose the value of them. How much joy they bring. They may be small but be they potent if we only allow them to be. To be able to soak up those pleasures in life. Even now I’m appreciating my typing. Feeling the rings on my fingers and my fingertips press into the keys. The now moment.
This is gonna be a short one guys. I am now in another now moment trying to expand on this and all I have is a blank mind and a listening ear to meditation music. So, I encourage you to find your now moments and to savor them. I will write more later my friends. It’s been too long since we’ve shared. Thank you dear readers.
This one is a hard one to choose. I have so many rooms in my house that I adore. I’m learning to appreciate my home office more. It’s currently under construction so the atmosphere for writing isn’t complete. I have a feeling it will soon be the best place for me to write. It just makes sense. My desk is here and it’s the most convenient and practical place. However, is it my favorite? Right now, not yet. So, where is my favorite room to write in? I’m a coffee and tea type of girl. I love waking up and having some coffee and the next best thing I like to do in the mornings is write. As tempting as it is to say it’s the meditation room because it’s so peaceful and pretty I’m going to choose the dining room. Why? That’s where we have our (my husband and I) own little café. There I can write on the dining room table surrounded by various containers of tea and coffee. I love feeling like a witch of sorts when I see mason jars and tea bins with neatly printed labels on them. As if I can just jump into making something with my intentions and will through the medium of tea leaves and coffee beans. That’s when my senses perk up and the creative juices start to flow. So, it’s a win for the dining room/café room.
Now, dear reader, I beg to ask you the same question. Where in your living quarters do you like to write? Which room and why?
Okay, this quote is a bit on the snarky side but it does hit home in many many many respects. The general consensus when talking to people and myself is that the dating scene SUCKS! Yes, it sucks. Why? The unknown. How much I fight against the unknown. Not so much as in the past but darn it. How are we supposed to know how the one you plan on seriously having a relationship with won’t hurt you? We don’t and the truth is they will. Yes, even unintentionally. We come back to our childhoods whether we like it or not. It’s almost as if the Universe is saying, “I’m going to reflect some serious shit to you. You have work to do. Get your shit together.” Did you think it was going to be gentle or easy? Nope. It can bring you to your knees. It’s exactly the point.
Without hardship there would be no reward but it doesn’t mean in ANY WAY to tolerate abuse. I repeat. You do not need to stay with an abuser or be the abuser. Basically, know your worth darn it and step it up. I say this in the most gentle and strongest tone. It’s hard to see when you’re in it. There have been times where I have abused myself and others without even realizing I was doing it. I was so wrong. Dead wrong. Fucking wrong. Yes, I’ll admit that I wasn’t the nicest person. In fact, in my self righteous and passionate but skewed view was causing havoc. Total havoc.
Now this is where the sweet song of unconditional love, grace, and forgiveness comes in. I digress. We are talking about dating.
I’ve been walking around having a deeper understanding of having compassion. Not only for others but also for myself. Once I start to see people as mirrors, brothers and sisters, and as a collective I start to ease up and see things in a more peaceful way. Big sigh. It settles everything. The blockages are released in my body and my soul starts to sing. I start to lead from a place of love and healing. Once that is activated it’s only natural to give it away to others. To treat myself well sings a song of praise to Creator that I am grateful. To treat others well means that I see Creator’s masterpiece. So, once I start to lose the attitude and start living from gratitude I see things in some many layers and in deeper levels. My intention behind this entry is to show that leading from healing and love can recover the pain and wrongs of the past. It is possible my friends. For me, it’s an ongoing process.
My only take on dating is to be true to yourself and to the one you may pursue. It start with yourself and then you can radiate that to your beloved. All my well wishes to you on the dating scene if you’re single and looking. If you are in a relationship I wish you the best as well. It’s ongoing no matter what the status.
Love and Light and Truth,
Speed blogging today. Please be forgiving when reading this.
In times of turbulence I tend to turn to my faith. I know for some it doesn’t seem natural. In fact, it’s hard to see a loved one struggling and they do not mention Creator at all when talking about their struggles. I listen and try not to preach. I have to say I’m good at preaching. Maybe because I need that type of encouragement. Whether or not they turn to a Higher power support is always needed. This Sunday my pastor mentioned Psalm 23. I focused on the fourth verse because it jumped out to me. I remembered a song quoting it. How it comforts and supports me. Knowing that my guide in Jesus can help me go in the direction of my best interest but also protect me along the way is of great relief. Just knowing I’m protected frees me up to persue what God wills me to.
I count myself fortunate that my dark days have passed for the most part. The demons I have encountered recently are no where near as menacing as the demons of the past. Knowing Creator is watching and sending Archangels and angels to fight for me is also of great help. The greatest battle was won by Christ. I’m so thankful for that.
My hope for you is that brighter and lighter days are ahead of you. If you struggle know that you have many seen and unseen heroes standing along side you. Know that you are loved.
It’s a beautiful world. Take a closer look, open up your heart and trust.
There is a sweet subtle longing for heaven within me. Where I can spread my wings and shine,sing, vibrate to the highest possible frequency surrounding God. At times I feel like my true home is surrounding God. Sometimes being here on this earth heartbreakingly beautiful and the experience is worth it’s weight in gold. I know that this is a gift from Creator. I am learning to experience everything to the fullest and not look back or forward. To be in the now. It’s a meditative practice. Most of the time I’m searching how to clear my energy,surround myself with Divine Golden/White Light and to be closer to heaven. In my spare time I imagine the possibilities of my Soul Mission. I ask and hope that I can follow through on God’s nudgings. It’s so silent and undemanding at times. It’s hard to tell if it’s really Creator. Almost like a lover who plays hide and go seek. My heart flowers at the thought of Him playfully encouraging me to grow and to experience this lifetime. This morning I just have this contentement but also this longing. I want to love Love fully. So, with this in mind I will leave you with a few things to take with you during your day.
When I met her I was still overcoming my more pronounced insecurities. I also was dealing with rage and over-control. I had turned to it in order to compensate for lack of self-love. She quickly picked up on my struggle and wasn’t afraid of me. In fact, she did what she wanted. She would keep her eyes glued to you and it was almost like her soul said, ” I’m doing things my way. I also will be here for you no matter what. I’m one strong soul and don’t you ever forget it, honey.” Boy, was she! It took two years to really get to know her. The girl could eat! My type of lady. I love to eat too. However, her gut had other plans. Despite medications and the special diet she was on she still wasn’t successful in gaining weight. It was hard to see her not find the nourishment her body needed to fully do what it was made to do. I often times wonder how magnificent she would have looked if she hadn’t had the condition. She would have been glorious. Unfortunately, the girl was one of those girls that just was skin and bones practically. A walking skeleton. However, you couldn’t tell that she had been struggling so hard. Her spirit was so joyful and warm. Her resiliency is something to be admired and praised. How that lady jumped right back in after upsetting circumstances I think should be considered saint-like. She didn’t hesitate to make you feel wanted and her in your face “I’m here. You can’t ignore me” attitude was not subtle in the slightest. It’s a mixture of blatancy paired with the loving light touch. Thinking about that warms my heart and makes me smile. She was a class all her own and what a lady. I admire her authenticity and how she had a way of being her strong self and unapologetic. Her self assurance but gentle spirit is a quality I would like for myself. She taught me to be more nurturing and that my strength wasn’t through any kind of force. Not by trying to manipulate the situations as benign as I may seem. She could see right through them. Without missing any beats she knew when to jump in if I needed to give warmth and security. She also knew how to just walk off without saying a word but loudly saying, “Fuck you, I’m upset.” Laughs. She was great. She always came back after being angry. I honor her in this writing. She was definitely an angel in disguise. I wish I could have seen her full beauty. Not emaciated. Not throwing up everything she ate despite her voraciously eating food. By no fault of her own but her body simply giving out. You may wonder who she is. Well, she was one of the best friends a girl could ever ask for. I briefly got to be her mother. Her meows in the kitchen every morning and the way she was unmistakenly herself will be missed. I had to make a compassionate decision to end her suffering yesterday. I thank God my husband and mother were there in the vet’s office to help me say goodbye. I thank my best friend who made sure to come over and help me have fun. By fun it was talking, playing video games, and watching “Finding Nemo” while having snacks. I am determined to go about life as normal. I am going to laugh and be joyful despite the grief. I’m going to focus on the abundance. Her sister is still with me. I cherish that my princess is okay and seems to be well despite the vacancy in our lives. In fact, my princess doesn’t seem to be too bothered. She just does her thing and so will I.