Teaching me how to nurture & love

When I met her I was still overcoming my more pronounced insecurities. I also was dealing with rage and over-control. I had turned to it in order to compensate for lack of self-love. She quickly picked up on my struggle and wasn’t afraid of me. In fact, she did what she wanted. She would keep her eyes glued to you and it was almost like her soul said, ” I’m doing things my way. I also will be here for you no matter what. I’m one strong soul and don’t you ever forget it, honey.” Boy, was she! It took two years to really get to know her. The girl could eat! My type of lady. I love to eat too. However, her gut had other plans. Despite medications and the special diet she was on she still wasn’t successful in gaining weight. It was hard to see her not find the nourishment her body needed to fully do what it was made to do. I often times wonder how magnificent she would have looked if she hadn’t had the condition. She would have been glorious. Unfortunately, the girl was one of those girls that just was skin and bones practically. A walking skeleton. However, you couldn’t tell that she had been struggling so hard. Her spirit was so joyful and warm. Her resiliency is something to be admired and praised. How that lady jumped right back in after upsetting circumstances I think should be considered saint-like. She didn’t hesitate to make you feel wanted and her in your face “I’m here. You can’t ignore me” attitude was not subtle in the slightest. It’s a mixture of blatancy paired with the loving light touch. Thinking about that warms my heart and makes me smile. She was a class all her own and what a lady. I admire her authenticity and how she had a way of being her strong self and unapologetic. Her self assurance but gentle spirit is a quality I would like for myself. She taught me to be more nurturing and that my strength wasn’t through any kind of force. Not by trying to manipulate the situations as benign as I may seem. She could see right through them. Without missing any beats she knew when to jump in if I needed to give warmth and security. She also knew how to just walk off without saying a word but loudly saying, “Fuck you, I’m upset.” Laughs. She was great. She always came back after being angry. I honor her in this writing. She was definitely an angel in disguise. I wish I could have seen her full beauty. Not emaciated. Not throwing up everything she ate despite her voraciously eating food. By no fault of her own but her body simply giving out. You may wonder who she is. Well, she was one of the best friends a girl could ever ask for. I briefly got to be her mother. Her meows in the kitchen every morning and the way she was unmistakenly herself will be missed. I had to make a compassionate decision to end her suffering yesterday. I thank God my husband and mother were there in the vet’s office to help me say goodbye. I thank my best friend who made sure to come over and help me have fun. By fun it was talking, playing video games, and watching “Finding Nemo” while having snacks. I am determined to go about life as normal. I am going to laugh and be joyful despite the grief. I’m going to focus on the abundance. Her sister is still with me. I cherish that my princess is okay and seems to be well despite the vacancy in our lives. In fact, my princess doesn’t seem to be too bothered. She just does her thing and so will I.

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